2020

Retrospectives are dropping into my RSS reader. Here’s mine.
This post adds to the sporadic collection of previous retrospectives on the blog: 2019, 2017, 2012.

I got absolutely hammered last night on Houseparty hanging out with friends. As is usual, dress code for new years was formal ware. It was funny to see the team all dressed up with no where to go. As the evening wore on the call got more and more shambolic. People talking over each other, multiple conversations at once etc. Then about 1am it got chaotic as another group of friends raided our call and all hell broke loose. I went to bed shortly after. Fun times.

I totally failed at getting my haircut. I haven’t had a trim since before I spoke at Tredwells before the first UK lockdown. So my aesthetic heading into 2021 reveals my true power level as an eccentric, writer, shut in.

I guess one day re-read all my weeknotes for 2020 and decide how my year went. But today isn’t that day. My personal diary was also quite patchy from March though June. But I don’t mind, as it would be an understatement to just say “It’s been a fucking weird year”.

Friends have lost loved ones, others have borne the full weight of isolation upon their souls and shoulders, others have burnt out. Existence has been a struggle for some.

For my part, there were periods of disappointment and difficulties but no tragedies. The pandemic squashed plans and work dried up alarmingly (I am free from mid Jan if anyone is interested in collaborating or contracting me). Due to our circumstances we’ve had a much better time of it than others. So by the grace of God my year was actually ok.

I know I am very fortunate and blessed to be able to say that. Eve and I strapped ourselves to the mast whilst the waves have been so very large. We have enjoyed each others company, which is a good thing, seeing as there’s been so much of it.

We are so lucky to have a flat to ourselves and a garden that effectively becomes another room of the house from late spring to early autumn.

2020

I sat down to write this post and ended up with 3k garbled words on the future.

Essentially 2020 has been a practice run/preview for living under the 21st Century condition: Indeterminacy. After finishing the draft I realised I had responded to a pre-print essay on ‘Gyropolitics’ by Benedict Singleton who shared it me just before Christmas. It was also deeply personal. So it’s gone into Gdocs for a deeper re-write a review of the material at some point.

So let’s try again…

I’m incredibly grateful for everyone who has chosen to support me, my blog/podcast/Youtube show this year. I ended 2020 just £9 shy of the “If I hit this per month, then this is something worth pursuing” goal I had in mind when I turned on monetisation in August.

If you are feeling generous this new year and like my work or whatever, please do consider supporting it with a regular subscription.

2020 has also been an exciting year creatively. Almost everything I’ve published on the Internet since I started blogging regularly here in 2018 was produced under a multi-yearlong cloud of depression – at varying levels of severity. This podcast I made in 2019 on Depression is still one of the best things I think I’ve made.

This year as everyone else went into Lockdown 1 in the UK and began to find things really grim, the weight of ashen sadness that had been pressing down on me for the past few years evaporated away.

In fact – I can pin point the exact moment that I realised that it had lifted as I talked about it in a podcast.

I’ve really enjoyed throwing myself in to completing more things, thinking in public, etc this year. The blog has seen 340% growth in 2020 and I intend to keep the momentum up.

I’m going to make a few changes to the site and change the way that I am ‘online’ for 2021 but I’ll write about that in my week notes tomorrow.

In Numbers

Blog: 149,686 words
Podcast Scripts: 52892 words
Podcast Episodes: 51
November Nanowrimo: 52855 words
Other Writing: 85,087 words
Fiction: 40,674 words
Diary: 53,012 words
Youtube Videos: 13

Music Tracks: 3 (All unfinished)

In/Em Bodiment

It’s funny talking about how I got over my depression this year. I said the same thing last year.

But when you are at the bottom of a hole any more daylight is welcome.

I will have been taking meditating seriously for 8 years in 2021 which is kind of bonkers. But the practice has been the most sporadic it’s ever been this year. Sharing a house with Eve 24/7 365 has been a different environment in which to meditate.

But I’ve managed to do at least 40mins, 3 days a week. My timer app says I put just over 150 hours in this year. Which is a lot less than the nearly 550 hours I did in 2019, and about 400 I did in 2018.

I’m not bothered tho. I’ve found I can recall states much more quickly when I sit down now than I have been able to before. I have continuing to experiment and explore other exercises this year too.

I’ve also done a lot of reading of Christian mystics this year. I read all of St Thérèse of Lisieux body of work and returned to the writings of both St John of the Cross and St Teresa of Ávila several times. 2021 I think will mainly be concerned with the works of Pseudo-Dionysius the Areopagite. Getting to grips with the ‘western christian mysticism extended universe‘ as it were.

I have also deeply appreciated the writings of John Butler. I put his autobiography ‘Spiritual Unfoldment’ as one of my picks for Ignota’s books of the year list. If you don’t follow his Youtube Channel I really recommend it!

I’ve also enjoyed exploring the basics of somatic movement this year and would like to find an instructor in 2021.

The Ministry Of My Own Labour

Freelance work was a little thin here and there. I wrote several trend reports and strategy docs for folks which I cant talk about.

I’ve enjoyed all the interactions with Novara Media this year in my advisory role. They have fucking smashed it this year.

I’m also really proud of some of the things I’ve done independently:

Putting out 50 podcasts in a row and starting a youtube show is quite an achievement.

I also published my first short story and become a ‘published author’ lol

I also wrote the introduction to a Solarpunk anthology due out in 2021, and contributed to the Unsound 2020 book.

My band didn’t end up recording our album this year but thats ok I guess.

In Books

I read 65 books this year according to Goodreads. But I actually read way more as I got lazy with tracking over the summer. My Goodreads is mostly WARHAMMER 40k lol as there are so many you need to track that shit.

In Photos

Have a good 2021 Everyone.

Your Attention Is Sovereign.